Basic Gym Etiquette

Going back to working in a bigger gym -as opposed to a small training studio- has reminded me of a basic, all-encompassing human trait:

People are savage, terrible beasts who will desecrate the things you love without repentance.

I, of course, am referring to people who curl in the squat rack. Those monsters. For the sake of all that is gym-holy, please refer to the following lists of things you should and should not do in the gym.

1. Do not curl in the squat rack.

DON'T DO IT. DO NOT CURL IN THE SQUAT RACK.
Why would you? I don't understand. Very, very few people can effectively curl the gym's heaviest un-adjustable barbell, why not just use those? Even if you needed a straight bar, why not start with it on the floor? The squat rack saves you, like two feet, how does this help your biceps grow?

2. Put your weights back when you are finished.

The humanity...

You're here to work out. If you've hoisted a dumbbell, weight plate, or barbell off of its rack to use it, you can put it back. Think of it as a mini farmer's walk.

This goes for plate-loaded machines too. The only way to know if an empty machine is not currently in use by someone in the bathroom is to look and see if it is unloaded. This creates mass chaos, as some loaded machines have been abandoned for days, while others are currently being used by a guy in the world's slowest circuit, and I never assume correctly which is which, and it's like society has no order anymore.

3. Use as few pieces of equipment as possible at any given time. 

These are plyo boxes:

You can jump on them, use them for step-ups, and other neat stuff. However, apparently some people see them as little tables that are designed to hold water bottles, towels, and training logs, because the floor is so far down. 

No joke, I saw not one, but two guys yesterday dragging these from station to station so they wouldn't have to set their stuff down on the dusty old floor. 

This rule also applies to any bench or bench-like object: if it can be used for exercise, do not set your stuff on it. Do not use it as a chair when you are using something else. 

4. Respect the "No-Lift" zone in front of the dumbbell rack.

It's an unwritten rule in most gyms, but there is an area stretching out about five feet in front of the dumbbell racks where it is rude to lift. It's obvious, but some people feel the need to stand right in front of them while curling, because there is also a mirror there and come on what am I supposed to do not stare at my biceps while curling what are you mad that's the whole reason I come here bro.

5. Do not spend more than ten minutes hogging a bench.

Monday is International Bench Press day, when every guy who lifts comes in and does chest. This usually means between two and fifty sets of the flat bench press. This means every guy who comes in is waiting for you to get done, begging for the moment when you finally strip your plates off the bar so they can make a b-line for your bench before literally every other guy and a good portion of the girls can do the same.

Life is hard. Taxes are expensive, the job market is terrible, and I stub my toe on the coffee table like every fifth time I walk through the living room. For many of us, the gym is the only place where we can see tangible rewards for hard work and perseverance, and these evil, heartless people are trying to take that away from me us.

Please, do not be one of them.

Go forth and pick up heavy things, and respect thy neighbor who does the same.