My solution: intermittent fasting. It's a way of eating that has become really popular with fitness professionals recently. I didn't say "diet", because you're eating normal, healthy foods, but only eat them certain times and fast the rest.
Despite it being simple, I don't feel like explaining it because shut up. Here's an infographic that does a better job than I ever could.
To stick my toe in the water, I'm going the one-day approach: Don't eat for 24 hours. From 10 pm on Saturday, May 18, to 10 pm on Sunday, May 19, I can drink water and coffee and green tea to my heart's content, but no food. Indeed, nothing with any calories whatsoever.
This is the log of my experience.
Saturday, 10 pm- Okay, just finished up my last meal for 24 hours.
Liver and Onions.
Liver is supposed to be like..the best food ever for you. It's also, however, a liver. I kind of tastes like squishy pennies, and the whole time I was eating it I couldn't not think about punching into a cow and ripping out its liver (one of its livers? I don't know cow anatomy) and throwing it in a skillet.
Anyway, fasting isn't looking as bad now.
Sunday, 11: 30 am- This is when I for real sat down to write this blog entry. I have a cup of coffee in hand, and so far no appetite to speak of. Googling "liver and onions" helped.
However, I've tried not eating a whole day before, back when I was a teenager. I vowed not to eat during the weekends so I could lose weight (because shut up, you weren't a rocket scientist either). I made it 6 hours.
Today, I'm going to remind myself of why I'm doing this by sitting without a shirt on and looking down at how my fat rolls bunch up and grabbing them while calling myself names before seriously considering whether or not I have medically significant body issues. Huh.
2:12 pm - Okay, so the first hunger pangs are finally starting to hit. I'm used to eating right as I wake up, so four hours later... yeah, I can feel it. So far, it's manageable. I'll just drink some water and play Xbox to keep myself occupied.
3:51 pm - Starting to feel it now. That sort of weak feeling you get when you're really hungry. Coffee should help. Yeah. gonna drink some more coffee. That'll clear up the jitters. I'm I skinny yet?
Darren kind of looks like a turkey leg.
4:41 pm- coffee has not made me less jittery. Water now.
5:39 pm - Feeling great, actually. Hunger is gonOH GOD NOW THAT I'M WRITING ABOUT IT THE HUNGER IS BACK WHAT HAVE I DONE
So yeah, I don't know if its actually hunger, or appetite. I've found that I'm pretty much surrounded by food, all day, all the time. It makes me wonder how much I would crave food if it wasn't always immediately available.
Something to think about; brain food, if you wTHAT WAS STUPID I DID IT AGAIN
6:27 pm - This is where it starts getting tough. All I can think about is that I know in 3.5 hours I can eat again, and it's going to be a protein shake and a big pizza and breadsticks and a PB&J because shut up, I'll do what I want, no it's not negating any benefits I got from fasting, shut up. Oh my....pizza... it's going to be amazing.
6:50 pm - I'm going to watch how i met your mother and hope they don't talk about food they wouldnt do that would they why would they be mean like that
7:28 pm - Friends are over. They want to play Magic. They don't know my pain. They don't know what I'm going through. So I'm making a point to bring it up every 9 seconds. My pain will be their pain.
8:12 pm - That pizza is going to be amazing. I'm going to eat it so hard. I'm going to savor it and let it swim in my mouth and whisper sweet nothings to my taste buds before gracefully sliding to its rightful place in my gullet.
8:13 pm - Food is better than sex. I know that now. I know that because I've decided that I'm not actually all that hungry. But the thought of eating something delicious after not eating anything at all for .... 22 hours and 13 minutes is at the forefront of my mind and it isn't leaving.
8: 19 pm - Still there. Yup.
8: 27 pm - There's only an hour and a half left to go. I can't tell if that makes it easier or harder. But I'm going to make it , and I'm not even going to pretend it was all that hard. There are starving kids in the world who have been three days without food and they're thankful when they get a bowl of under cooked white rice for their one meal before the next three days without food.
On a side note, I don't know if I feel good about myself forcing a fast to look better when so many people do it because there is no food to eat.
8:59 pm - Game of Thrones time.
9: 10 pm - Also Game of Thrones time.
9:31 pm - Ordering that pizza online while still trying to watch Game of Thrones. OH HELL YEAH YOU TELL HIM TYRION.
10:00 pm -
10:20 pm - Ughl....stomach may have shrank a bit during the past 24 hours....normal pizza load not well received...no touch me now.....Am I pretty yet?
The Next Day:
So, it's done. And you know what? I'm going to do it again. I don't feel weak today, and I don't feel like I need to eat two days worth of food to make up for yesterday. FYI, I normally overeat pizza when it's available to me, so last night wasn't out of the ordinary....except for the fact I got full quicker than normal.
One of the primary benefits cited by intermittent fasting is appetite control, and I can definitely see it. One bowl of oatmeal this morning, and I feel like I could go hours without eating, which is normal for normal people, not normal for me.
The effects? I couldn't tell you. It's been one day. What I'm going for here is a hormonal change, which could take weeks to take effect, especially if I'm only doing one day a week. The most popular methods involve fasting 16 hours every day, eating good food (which apparently isn't pizza) during the 8 hour window. I might progress to that, because 8 hours sounds like a long time to eat. It means you skip breakfast, but that just means I'm eating eggs, turkey bacon, and wheat toast for lunch instead.
All in all, I can see how this works for people. Everything works. There are tons of success stories of people using intermittent fasting, and tons of success stories from almost every other diet ever written. The key is finding something you can do that won't kill you or compromise your health.
I'll try it again next Sunday, if that's any indication.
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